said someone who doesn’t understand the meaning of missing someone else.

Said someone who’s trying so hard hiding their feeling of longing.

Don’t be too naive. Nothing can heal a longing heart except physical contacts or when your eyes finally see them again. In 4D. Real. Not just voices, pictures, or videos.

And I miss

my mom’s lap.

My daddy’s kiss on the forehead.

Seeing my sister sleep.

Laughing so hard with my best friends. And seeing them re-applying lip tint everytime we take picture.

The smell of my bedroom.

My grandma’s cooking.

Rebuking my grandpa to stop smoking.

My junior high’s classmates. How we used to watch movies after school. Or take a nap during breaks.

My mother’s hug.

The cities I grew up in.

My old neighbours.

Bibi’s cooking. And Bibi too.

High school.

The things I do every Friday with my best friends when I was in junior high.

My high school sweethearts.

My sister’s cheap jokes.

Chemistry lab works on high school.

Gossip time with my mates in english club.

And so on...

My heart starts confusing about which thing I miss the most.

Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard...

Sometimes I feel like I’ve grown up so much than I was few years ago.

“You are the bravest one I have ever known. You deserve the best. You did good. Keep doing good.” I always tell my self those things everytime things get harder. Everytime I feel weaker.

I kinda am proud of my self because I am brave enough to live alone in a city I don’t know so far away from my family. Not so many could experience this.

But.

I also keep reminding my self that there are SO MUCH teenagers who are as old as me out there struggle harder than I do.

Like my struggling is nothing compared to them.

But sometimes it feels hard everytime I see my friends get the chance to go home every day. Every weekend, or every month.

Get to eat their mothers’ cooking every meals everyday and eat dinner with all family members at night. Get to hug their moms. Get kisses on the forehead from their dads. Arguing with their siblings.

Or anything else I haven’t done, gotten, experienced or felt in months.

For you who say I am too much, well maybe you haven’t felt it.

And for you who feel the same way, cheers. We are stronger than we think. Good luck on your studies, don’t ever lose faith. Prove to them who say you’re exaggerating that you could do so much better. Well, sad to say, they will never understand our struggling. Don’t hope that they will. They won’t. Unless they have experienced it themselves.

Stay strong! Because our family do too. Make them proud. 

Love from Jogjakarta, Indonesia, 1.180km from home,

Atha