Sometimes I feel like I wanna explode!

Terkadang saya marah.
Saya punya jutaan pertanyaan dan jutaan jawaban kosong.
Tidak ada yang bisa menjawab pertanyaan-pertanyaan itu.
Orang hanya menganggapnya konyol, sampah.

Terkadang saya menangis.
Saya ingin diperhatikan dan dilihat.
Saya merasa tidak ada yang mengerti.
Parahnya, tidak ada yang mau mengerti.

Terkadang saya kesal.
Saya merasa dipermainkan.
Saya melihat orang memegang kendali, dan
sedihnya, saya tidak bisa apa-apa.

Saya marah, kesal, pengen nonjok orang, atau apalah itu namanya!
Salahkah jika saya ingin ini sendiri,
T A N P A
campur tangan
O R A N G??

1, 2, 3, 4,...
No matter what, times always move, will never stop. So I'm sorry if I break your bubbles, you will never can pause any moments.
So here's me. Typing on my keyboard to acting like I'm okay? Hmm, sounds great. But I'm not. Really, I don't know why. Okay, maybe these are the reasons :

• I'm gonna follow Ujian Akhir Nasional (National Final Exam) next month! And it makes me crazy! OMG, it's only 31 days left!
• My Dad isn't at home so I can't ask him to help me solve a lot of hard homework.
• PMS (yeah, girls's problem :P)
• Hot weather, annoying little things, and the most important reason is..
• I don't know.. :P

Are you gonna go away?
Where?
Somewhere that far? Or somewhere that near?
I still can't believe that you will go. Leave us here.
Or can you please take us with you? So we don't have to be separated.
Is it too hard to make adaption?
You can make adaption with all new situations.
You can! So do I...

I hate being forgotten.
I hate tears! And goodbye-hug sucks!
Are you happy with these all?
You can buy new clothes, jackets, or even new scarfs.
And then you will go?
Playing in the winter snow while we are being tired because thinking of you.

Maybe a video call will make Mom's better.
But not with me.
Video is only virtual, not real!
But why did you and Mom be happy?
Is too naive to recognize that a video call can not erase the deepest homesick?

I'm so sorry with these all.
I'm just thinking that I can't tell this to anyone. So I choose to tell the World, and try to pretending that I'm alright and everything's gonna be okay.
I'm sorry if I made you angry million times.
I wish I could erase all those things that made you become angry.
I'm so sorry for all the pains that I made.
I'm so sorry, I can't be that girl you want.
And I just wanna tell you that I love you. So. Much.

Hi, in this post I would like to share some of my works that has been published online and offline :)

Articles

1. Berjuanglah Wahai Pejuang Masa Depan, Demi Indonesia yang Sombong dan Egois, published on idntimes.com April 2016. 3rd Winner of WorthyStory Competition by idntimes.com
   https://opinion.idntimes.com/social/athaya-haidaranis/worthy-story-idntimes-finalis-berjuanglah-wahai-pejuang-masa-depan-demi-indonesia-yang-sombong-dan-egois
   
   https://www.facebook.com/notes/idntimescom/pengumuman-pemenang-kompetisi-worthystory/972530312854333/
2. Peluang Cari Rezeki, published on Malang Post February 27th 2014, page 13. MTeens School Competition 2014.
   https://issuu.com/mp-post/docs/mp2702
3. Awas! Uang Palsu, published on Malang Post March 5th 2014, page 14. MTeens School Competition 2014.
   https://issuu.com/mp-post/docs/mp0503

Fiction Stories

1.  Mencintai dan Memaafkan, publsihed on Cerpenmu.com November, 2013. One of the best cerpen of the month nominee.
   http://cerpenmu.com/cerpen-kehidupan/mencintai-dan-memaafkan.html
2. Lost in France, Lost in You, publsihed on Cerpenmu.com April, 2015. One of the best cerpen of the month nominee.
   http://cerpenmu.com/cerpen-romantis/lost-in-france-lost-in-you.html
3.  Rumah, publsihed on Cerpenmu.com April, 2016. One of the best cerpen of the month nominee.
   http://cerpenmu.com/cerpen-cinta/rumah.html

 And, I also have ever featured on a newspaper hahahah

1. Malang Post October 29th 2014 page 8
   https://issuu.com/mp-post/docs/mp2910_a65b08e6aff4ab

Bagaimana rasanya diabaikan?
Seolah semua yang kau lakukan salah,
dan yang orang itu lakukan brilian.

Bagaimana rasanya dinomorduakan?
Saat kau harus selalu menjaga perasaan orang itu,
sementara perasaanmu tak pernah terjaga?

Bagaimana rasanya disia-siakan?
Seolah semua hasil yang kau peroleh adalah omong kosong,
dan semua omong kosong yang dibuat orang itu adalah HEBAT.

Bagaimana rasanya tidak dipedulikan?
Saat kau meminta permen dan tidak diberi,
sementara orang itu mendapat emas tanpa meminta.